12.03.2013

No More Babies!




my baby girl is turning 2 in just a short 2 months. i am having a really hard time dealing with it. I find myself constantly saying it out loud to everyone, "she's almost 2" and to her "you're almost 2". she's just changing so much, her face, her body, her vocabulary, her abilities. It's all changing so fast. too fast. i want her to go back to being about 9 months old for about 3 years, then for her to be 18-22 months for about 2 years then 5 years old and then, finally, resume her normal aging path. lol.
i am so in love with her at this age that she is now. i enjoy watching her learn new things and discover her likes and dislikes. she is so curious and adventurous. she plays the harmonica, it has to be the cutest thing i have ever seen. since halloween we have learned that she is an expert swordsman ( Sunny was a pirate and Violet loves the sword). and she's so sassy. when i get her dress she prances around switching her hips and checks herself in the mirror. OMG!! just so cute and i dont want her to get older. i want her to stay right where she is. my sweet, wily and vivacious 22 month old.
honestly, i think the biggest issue i am having is that she is the last baby. after her there will be no more (unless we win the powerball but aint nobody playing lottery over here).  so i will love her up, take lots of pictures and cherish every second.

if you give mom some time alone...

nothing provokes me to want to write more than reading a good pice of work. while over on natalie jean's blog i found an essay written by madonna. the first half of the article felt like i wrote it (the latter half i haven't experienced quite yet). the oddball outcast dying to leave her stinky little town. leaving, then dying to survive situations that would break spirits and worry the shit out of those that love you. then feeling really awesome because you survived. you accomplished what you set out to do. only to realize that just because you succeeded in one area doesn't mean you're successful. life is full of obstacles and road blocks but you've got to see, no you've got to believe that what you want is worth the work. as long as you have ambition you will have obstacles.

damn it, right in the middle of writing this i had an 'if you give a pig a pancake' moment, mommy style. lol. if you give mom some alone time to write, she will sit on the floor with her computer while watching 'a league of their own'. while she is sitting on the floor she will notice a trail of ants coming from behind the t.v. stand. if she notices a trail of ants she will think there are crumbs that drew the ants back there. if there are crumbs and ants then she will need a broom and ant spray. when she goes to get the broom and ant spray she will notice how dirty the kitchen is. if she notices how the dirty the kitchen is she will have to go on a cleaning spree, rambo style. if she goes on a cleaning rampage she will forget she was writing and sweep the whole house including behind the t.v. stand. when she sweeps behind the t.v. stand she will see the ants. then she will need the ant spray. after she attacks the ants she will see the computer. once she sees the computer she will remember she was writing. lol

so yeah that just happened. lol. because this is the internet and not in real time you have no idea that 20 minutes just passed. but it did.

anyways back to madonna. and me. 

i've slightly lost my train of thought but here are the parts that i really felt:

"TRUTH OR DARE?
...It's a fun game to play if you're in the mood to take risks, and usually I am. However, you have to play with a clever group of people. Otherwise you'll find yourself French-kissing everyone in the room or giving blow jobs to Evian bottles!
People usually choose "truth" when it's their turn because you can tell a lie about yourself and no one will be the wiser, but when you are dared to do something, you have to actually do it. And doing something daring is a rather scary proposition for most people."



"... growing up in a suburb in the Midwest was all I needed to understand that the world was divided into two categories: people who followed the status quo and played it safe, and people who threw convention out the window and danced to the beat of a different drum. I hurled myself into the second category...When you're 15, this can feel a little uncomfortable. Teenagers want to fit in on one hand and be rebellious on the other. Drinking beer and smoking weed in the parking lot of my high school was not my idea of being rebellious, because that's what everybody did. And I never wanted to do what everybody did. I thought it was cooler to not shave my legs or under my arms. I mean, why did God give us hair there anyways? Why didn't guys have to shave there? Why was it accepted in Europe but not in America?... I did the opposite of what all the other girls were doing... I dared people to like me and my nonconformity."
"New York wasn't everything I thought it would be. It did not welcome me with open arms. The first year, I [...] had my apartment broken into three times. I don't know why; I had nothing of value after they took my radio the first time. The tall buildings and the massive scale of New York took my breath away. The sizzling-hot sidewalks and the noise of the traffic and the electricity of the people rushing by me on the streets was a shock to my neurotransmitters. I felt like I had plugged into another universe. I felt like a warrior plunging my way through the crowds to survive. Blood pumping through my veins, I was poised for survival. I felt alive....But it was hard and it was lonely, and I had to dare myself every day to keep going. Sometimes I would play the victim and cry in my shoe box of a bedroom with a window that faced a wall, watching the pigeons shit on my windowsill. And I wondered if it was all worth it, but then I would pull myself together and look at a postcard of Frida Kahlo taped to my wall, and the sight of her mustache consoled me. Because she was an artist who didn't care what people thought. I admired her. She was daring. People gave her a hard time. Life gave her a hard time. If she could do it, then so could I."
a little lengthy. yea? but it's good. the madonna essay was goood! find humor in my ant tirade. im sure you can use the laugh. 

smooches!

10.02.2013

IT'S TIME TO GET IT TOGETHER, GIRLFRIEND

SO I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PARTICULARLY NEAT PERSON. LIKE I'M NOT DIRTY JUST A MESS. I WILL WASH ALL THE CLOTHES BUT NEVER FOLD THEM, ALL MY SHOES ARE NEXT TO THE ORGANIZER INSTEAD OF IN IT, DISHES GET WASHED BUT NOT PUT AWAY, ETC, ETC. YOU GET IT RIGHT?


WELL LATELY I HAVE FELT THE NEED TO CHANGE THAT, STRONGLY.  I AM GOOD AT CLEANING UP I JUST WANT TO WORK ON NOT MAKING SUCH A BIG MESS OF EVERYTHING FROM THE START. LIKE MY MOM IS GREAT AT CLEANING UP AS SHE COOKS, ME NO BUENO. THEN, AFTER DINNER I AM USUALLY TOO TIRED TO CLEAN, SO I DO IT HALF-ASSED. AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE BEING A MESS DOESN'T WORK WHEN LIVING IN A TEENY APARTMENT WITH NO CLOSET SPACE ( I STAY OPTIMISTIC BY TELLING MYSELF THIS IS WHAT IT'D BE LIKE LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY, WHICH I'D LOVE TO DO SOMEDAY, BTW).




WELL ANYWAYS, THE ARRIVAL OF FALL HAS SET OFF A GREAT SENSE OF URGENCY WITHIN MYSELF TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S JUST THAT THE HAS SEASON CHANGED. OR THE FACT THAT BY THE END OF THIS VERY SEASON THAT I WILL HAVE TURNED 30 AND HAVE AN 11 YEAR OLD. THAT MEANS I WILL HAVE HAD 11 YEARS TO PERFECT THIS WHOLE HOMEMAKER THING. AND THEN THERE LOOMS THE REALIZATION THAT I AM GOING INTO MY 2ND DECADE OF MOTHERHOOD. AND I THINK, 'LIKE BY NOW I SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE IT TOGETHER, RIGHT?' 


I GAVE UP ON ALL LAZINESS AND PITY FOR MYSELF AND GOT TO WORK. I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY GUTTED OUT PHOENIX AND SUNNY'S ROOM. NOTHING UNDER THE BEDS, DEEP IN THE CLOSET, ON THE CLOSET SHELVES, BEHIND THE DRESSERS OR IN THE DRAWERS WAS SAFE FROM ME. I GOT RID OF THE TOY CHEST WHERE EVERYTHING WAS JUST THROWN IN AND REPLACED IT WITH A COUPLE OF PLASTIC CARTS WITH 3 DRAWERS AND WHEELS. YOU KNOW THE KIND THAT TARGET REALLY PUSHES TO STUDENTS IN DORMS. ALL CLOTHES AND SHOES THAT WERE TOO SMALL WERE BAGGED FOR CHARITY. ANY TOY THAT I DEEMED USELESS WAS TRASHED (BUT OF COURSE I KEPT WHATEVER I BROUGHT BACK MILLIONS OF MY BABY GIRLS, C'MON I'M NOT A TOTAL TYRANT). AND THIS WAS ALL DONE WHILE THE GIRLS WERE IN SCHOOL, NONE OF THAT 'BUT MOM THAT'S MY FAVORITE' CRAP WAS FLYING. ONCE IT WAS DONE I FELT AMAZING. I AM NOW GOING ROGUE ON ALL THE CRAP IN OUR ROOM. I FINALLY GOT RID OF THE LAST BOX FROM OUR MOVE IN ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO THAT HAS BEEN STASHED IN OUR CLOSET. HALLELUJAH!


AND TODAY! OH TODAY! I WASHED EVERY SINGLE DIRTY DISH IN THE SINK. I HAVEN'T PUT THEM AWAY YET BUT I PROMISE TO DO IT AFTER I DROPPED THE GIRLS OFF IN THE MORNING. OH YEAH AND FOR THE PAST MONTH I HAVE GONE TO THE LAUNDROMAT EVERY MONDAY ( WELL EXCEPT THIS WEEK I WENT TUESDAY MORNING, BECAUSE I WAS EXHAUSTED FROM THE WEEKEND) AND STAYED THERE UNTIL ALL CLOTHES WERE FOLDED. WHAT A FEAT FOR ME! SO YEAH ANYWAYS I HAVE TO FOLD CLOTHES ALSO IN THE A.M. SO YEAH I AM GOING TO PUT AWAY ALL THE DISHES AND CLOTHES TOMORROW AND REJOICE AT HOW I AM REFUSING TO LET MY PROCRASTINATION GET THE BETTER OF ME.


AND CANT FORGET ABOUT THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE LAUNDRY HELPER, WHO MAKES IT 10X'S HARDER BUT 100X'S CUTER! SHE DIDN'T JOIN ME TODAY BECAUSE SHE WAS SICK AND DECIDED TO SLEEP IN. ALTHOUGH I'M REALLY SAD WHEN SHE'S SICK I DID ENJOY BEING ABLE TO BREEZE THROUGH THE LAUNDRY THIS MORNING!

9.30.2013

MUSIC MONDAY #2

FIRST OFF I NEED TO GET A LITTLE MORE ORIGINAL WITH THESE TITLES. HA. I DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE THE ENERGY TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE, THO.

WELL I'VE PROMISED MUSIC. LITERALLY IN THE 11TH HOUR, I'VE GOT IT TOGETHER. IRONICALLY ENOUGH, I'M ACTUALLY SITTING HERE WATCHING THE TAIL END OF THE IHEART MUSIC FESTIVAL. MAYBE THAT WAS MY INSPIRATION TO GET ON IT.

THE FAME MONSTER

LATELY, IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT OUR FAIR LADY, GAGA. TWO SONGS ARE CURRENTLY IN ROTATION ON THE RADIO THAT GOT HER ON MY BRAIN, HEAVY. LORDE'S ROYALS AND SUMMERTIME SADNESS BY LANA DEL REY. I BELIEVE IF YOU WERE AS INTO THE FAME AS I WAS THEN YOU'D BE ALE TO HEAR THE INFLUENCE. FIRST OF ALL OUR LADY WAS ALL ABOUT SUMMA SUMMA TIME. AND FUN AND LOVE LOST. SHE ALSO BOASTED ABOUT THE LIFESTYLE OF HER AND HER GIRLS IN ALMOST THE EXACT MANNER THAT LORDE DOES ON HER LATEST SINGLE.


I COULD BE MAKING ALL THIS UP TO HOLD ONTO THE GLORY DAYS THAT WERE THE FAME MONSTER. BUT EVERY TIME I HEAR EITHER ONE OF THOSE SONGS I HAVE TO FORCEFULLY REMIND MYSELF THAT LADY GAGA IS NOT QUITE BACK, YET.  BUT NONE OF THAT REALLY MATTERS BECAUSE, I LOVE THEM (THE SONGS) ALL THE SAME.

AS OF LATE...

TODAY IS MONDAY THE DAY FOR MUSIC. THERE WILL BE MUSIC JUST A LITTLE LATER. FOR NOW JUST A BIT ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN GOING AROUND HERE LATELY.


RIGHT NOW CHILI IS COOKING IN THE CROCKPOT. I HAVE BEEN WANTING CHILI REALLY BAD LATELY, MAYBE BECAUSE FALL IS HERE. AND FALL MEANS LOTS OF CROCKPOT AND SLOW COOKED OVEN MEALS. MY FAVORITE FOR NOW AT LEAST, (UNTIL MEMORIAL DAY ROLLS AROUND AND I  WANT TO EAT NOTHING BUT BBQ). THINK POT ROAST, WHOLE CHICKENS, SOUPS AND YES, CHILI. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS  HERE IN LOS ANGELES FALL DOESN'T REALLY KICK IN UNTIL MID TO LATE OCTOBER, TODAY IT WAS 80 DEGREES. BUT I COOKED CHILI ANYWAY BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH IT TASTE THE BEST ON A CHILLY DAY(LOL) I JUST COULDN'T WAIT. WELL AT LEAST THE MORNINGS HAVE BEEN COLD. THAT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING, RIGHT?


OVER THE PAST WEEK ALL THREE GIRLS HAVE BEEN SICK, WITH VIOLET BEING THE ONE TO GET IT LAST AND THE MOST EFFECTED. RIGHT NOW SHE IS TRYING TO DRAG HER HIGH CHAIR THROUGH THE HOUSE, CRYING ALL THE WHILE. SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYBODY TO PICK HER UP, SHE JUST WANTS TO DRAG HER HIGH CHAIR. SHES SO MISERABLE. SHE HAS SPENT THE LAST 36 HOURS MOSTLY CRYING. 
THE ONE PERSON THAT SHE DOES WANT TO HANG UNDER IS HER DADDY AND OF COURSE HE'S THE BUSIEST. IT JUST MAKES ME SO SAD. 

ON SATURDAY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOT SICK I HAD A GIRLS NIGHT OUT. AND I HAD A BLAST. AFTER WONDERING AIMLESSLY AROUND DOWNTOWN CULVER CITY TRYING TO CHOOSE A PLACE TO EAT, WE DECIDED TO HEAD A LITTLE FURTHER WEST TO THE ALIBI ROOM. I HAD THE BEST TACOS EVER, THEY WERE MADE WITH KOREAN SHORT RIBS. OMG SO GOOD. OH YEAH, I ALSO HAD SOME FRENCH FRIES WITH KOREAN SEASONING AND A DRINK CALLED THE CUBAN MISTRESS. I WAS IN HEAVEN AND COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH MY NIGHT OUT. BUT WE HAD SITTERS FOR THE NIGHT AND COULDN'T CALL IT A NIGHT JUST YET. SO WE WENT TO DO KARAOKE AT THE TATTLE ROOM. SO MUCH FUN!! I SANG SHOOP BY SALT & PEPPER. WE LAUGHED, DANCED SANG AND DRANK. I HAD NOT HAD SO MUCH FUN IN A VERY LONG TIME. THE PICTURE BELOW PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP HOW FOOLISH WE WERE ACTING. LIKE SOME TEENAGERS, ACTUALLY MORE LIKE A GAGGLE OF 7 YEAR OLDS!


NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER A SICK BABY AND A GIRLS NIGHT OUT I AM EXHAUSTED. MONDAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE LAUNDRY DAY BUT THAT HAS BEEN POSTPONED UNTIL TOMORROW. TONIGHT I'M CURLING UP WITH A BIG BOWL OF CHILI AND CORNBREAD AND TAKING IT EASY.  AND OH YEAH 2 BROKE GIRLS IS ON TONIGHT!

HAPPY MONDAY. 

9.28.2013

MAKE IT LAST FOREVER...




JAMES AND ALL HIS PUSHY WAYS, PUSHED HIS WAY INTO MY LIFE A GOOD 14 YEARS AGO. AFTER A STINT AS BEST FRIENDS I ENDED FALLING IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY. OF COURSE I FELL BECAUSE HE PUSHED ME. LOL. BUT ITS NOT ABOUT THE JOURNEY BUT THE DESTINATION, RIGHT? NEEDLESS TO SAY I FELL AND STILL FALL FROM TIME TO TIME.

AFTER A FEW UPS AND DOWNS AND 2 KIDS AND BEING TOGETHER FOR 10 YEARS WE FINALLY GOT MARRIED. RECENTLY LEBRON JAMES MARRIED HIS HIGH SCHOOL AFTER ABOUT 10 YEARS, WHO HE HAS 2 KIDS WITH. I AM NOT PARTICULARLY A FAN OF KING JAMES. (I'M FROM L.A. AND AM A KOBE LOYALIST.)  BUT BOY DO I LOVE THAT COUPLE! THEY ARE SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL.

BECAUSE THEY ARE SO SIMILAR TO ME AND JAMES ( OH WOW EVEN THE NAME) I FEEL LIKE I KNOW ABOUT WHAT THEY'VE GONE THROUGH. I FEEL AS IF I KNOW THEIR STORY AND THAT IT  HASN'T BEEN THE EASIEST TO GET THE POINT OF MARRIAGE. ESPECIALLY WITH HIM RISING TO FAME AND THE STRUGGLE THAT COMES ALONG WITH ALL THAT. ITS HARD TO LOVE SOMEONE AS THEY CHANGE FROM A CHILD INTO AN ADULT. I KNOW IT TAKES A LOT OF LOVE AND COMMITMENT TO KEEP COMING BACK TO EACH OTHER AND TO CHOOSE TO STAY TOGETHER.

HATS OFF TO THE TWO OF THEM. LEBRON HAS BEEN SHARING PICS FROM THEIR HONEYMOON ON HIS INSTAGRAM AND THE LOVE HE HAS FOR HER SEEMS LIKE TYPE OF LOVE THAT COMES FROM APPRECIATION. A REALLY REALISTIC, MATURE KIND OF LOVE. BELIEVE YOU, ME I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.

CONGRATS TO THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.

9.23.2013

MUSIC MONDAY #1

LETS GET TO THE MUSIC...

EVERY MONDAY I AM GOING TO SHARE SOME MUSIC . IT MAY BE MUSIC I'VE BEEN LISTENING OR SOMETHING THAT I REALLY LIKE, MAYBE  SOMETHING I JUST HEARD THAT MADE ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY. SO ON AND SO FORTH. I'M SURE YOU GET IT. ON MONDAYS THERE WILL BE MUSIC.

TODAY I HAVE TWO SONGS. ONE IS THE SONG FROM WHICH THIS BLOG GETS ITS NAMED AND THE OTHER IS JUST A GOOD MONDAY SONG!!!


NINE INCH NAILS- YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

THAT WAS A LITTLE DEPRESSING SO HERE'S THIS. 

THE BANGLES- MANIC MONDAY

HERE'S TO A HAPPY MANIC MONDAY!! 


9.19.2013

FEELING STUCK...

THE MOMENTS IN BETWEEN ALL OF THE CHAOS MAKES
THIS WHOLE MOMMY OF 3 THING WELL WORTH IT. 

after i wrote my first post i told myself i was going to write 3-5 times a week. i haven't stuck to that. for one i was over thinking everything. i wasn't sure what i wanted to share, what was worth it, etc., etc. but anyways, now i'm telling myself just chill, let it flow. and then there's the other thing, i just can't find the time. i am either too busy or too tired all the time. three kids = no joke.

my husband (james) told me about a study he read that said moms of three children are the most stressed out of moms with any other number of kids. (sidenote: he looves studies, btw. he's always quoting a study to me,  he reads digg. blah, blah, blah. so he knows everything according to studies.) but whatever i really appreciated that one. i could totally use t ito my advantage. and since i've read the study i'm like duh, three kids is hella hard. lol. no i cant do anything extra (i.e. anything i don't want to do), i have three kids, haven't you heard its the most stressful number of kids to have?

nevertheless i've found some time and i'm here. i've also started keeping a journal so wherever i am, like at the park with the girls, and thoughts begin to flow i write. this whole thing has been quite therapeutic for me. it has forced me to take a minute to myself to do something for myself. it feels great!

9.06.2013

HELLO!

I WASN'T SURE WHAT MY FIRST POST SHOULD BE ABOUT, SO TO BREAK THE ICE I DECIDED TO SHARE A BIT ABOUT THE PROCESS AND REASON FOR STARTING THIS LITTLE BLOG HERE.

I HAVE BEEN SCARED. FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO START A BLOG, AND A PODCAST THAT GIRLS LIKE ME COULD RELATE TO. WHILE SITTING AT A COMPUTER ALL DAY ENTERING DATA INTO A SPREADSHEET I WAS COMPLETELY UNDER STIMULATED.  I STARTED TO LISTEN TO PODCAST INSTEAD OF MUSIC WHILE I WORKED AND READ BLOGS ON BREAK AND WHEN I GOT HOME. I SORT OF BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT.

I WAS MISSING MY KIDS AND FEELING LIKE I COULD STEP MY WORKING MOM SKILLS UP SO I STARTED TO SEARCH FOR ONES ABOUT MOMS, WORKING MOMS. I FOUND A FEW I LIKED BUT NOTHING COMPLETELY RESONATED WITH ME. I AM A YOUNG BLACK MOM LIVING IN LOS ANGELES. MOST OF THE MATERIAL OUT THERE WAS AIMED AT OLDER MOMS, WHITE MOMS OR NEW YORK MOMS. AND BELIEVE ME I LOVE EVERY BIT OF WHAT I'VE COME ACROSS. BUT THERE WAS A LITTLE SOMETHING MISSING FOR ME. THE BIGGEST VOID I FELT CAME FROM THE OLDER MOM STUFF. I JUST COULD NOT RELATE. IT MADE ME FEEL A LITTLE INADEQUATE, UNPREPARED. SO I DECIDED I SHOULD JUST START MY OWN. TO TELL MY OWN STORY.  TIME PASSED AND WHILE AT MY DESK I WOULD COME UP WITH REALLY GREAT IDEAS,  HOWEVER AT THE END OF JUNE I WAS LAID OFF. THIS WAS A BLESSING AND A CURSE. I TOLD MYSELF THAT I WOULD  FINALLY START THIS VENTURE INTO THE BLOGOSPHERE THAT I HAD BEEN FANTASIZING ABOUT FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS. BUT REALITY SETTLED IN, ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS A FULL TIME STAY AT HOME MOM OF 3, AGAIN.  AND MY KIDS WERE ON SUMMER BREAK. NEEDLESS TO SAY I COULDN'T (OR DIDN'T) FIND THE TIME TO START AND THE PROJECT WAS FURTHER DELAYED. THEN I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD START AS SOON AS THE GIRLS RETURNED TO SCHOOL.

SO HERE I AM TODAY WRITING MY FIRST ENTRY, ABOUT A MONTH LATE.  BUT I'M NO LONGER SCARED, I'M NOW READY. AND I WELCOME YOU  TO MY EMPIRE OF DERT. A PLACE WHERE I WILL SHARE THE FRILLS AND THRILLS AND LACK THEREOF OF A YOUNG L.A. MAMA TRYING TO HAVE IT ALL.